Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Beware the Gang Text

Since my wife bought her new text-friendly cell phone, she has been the queen of text messaging. She's always texting with her friends about this or that (mostly about soap operas) and sending pictures back and fourth (mostly puppies and kittens, but I'm sure there is a beefcake in there somewhere).

She's also learned the fine art of sending out the same text message to multiple contacts in her phone, or as I like to call it... the "gang text." 

Yeah, I know. You all thought a "gang text" was something like, "Yo, dog! That drive-by made me LMFAO!" 

Not the case. 

Friends, I'm here to tell you that I fell victim to the "gang text" in the worst way possible. 

Valentine's Day morning, I awake to the friendly sound of my cell phone's text message tone (it's the theme to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly). Normally, I wait until about a half hour after I wake up before checking my phone because, these days, I just can't see that well in the mornings. I'm pretty much like a ground mole until I soak my head in a sink full of water and drink two, sometimes three cups of coffee. That's just one of the perks of getting older. 

But, not on this day, because I know that it has to be a text from my wife and I'm still trying to remember if I bought her anything for Valentine's Day (not only does age blur the vision, it fogs the mind as well). 

As I rub eye-boogers the size of golf balls from my eyelids, I can barely make out that the text is indeed from my loving wife. So, I type up a romantic Valentine's response, and hit "reply." Now, I won't disclose everything I said in my return text, but it did contain the words "velvet" and "marathon." Use your imagination. 

I put my phone back on the nightstand and start my morning ritual of coffee, coffee, and more coffee. A half hour later, as I make my way to the shower, I notice that my cell phone has almost vibrated off the nightstand.

Puzzled, and with a little better vision than a half hour earlier, I pick up my phone to find multiple text messages from numbers that I do not recognize, all asking things like, "Who is this?" "Who are you?" "What's your name?" 

Extremely puzzled, I check my text message log and discover that the message I replied to from my wife was part of a "gang text" that she sent out to 38 of her female friends and relatives, wishing them, along with me, a happy Valentine's Day. Boy, am I special. 

Now, I know most of her friends and almost all of her relatives, but they don't all know ME. By this time, the caffeine had kicked in from all the coffee I drank and I decided to have a little fun. I picked a "Who is this?" text at random... and texted away: 

That fun was short lived. 

By the way... please feel free to leave comments on any of my posts.



  1. Did you say. "Hey come look at my velveet painting. Hurry please I about to run a marathon."? Embarrassing and funny Ron. I hope u got a.pair of glasses.for Valentine's Day. :)

  2. Do you like Velvet!? Bwahahahahaha. It creates so many different images, some funny and some dark.

  3. Good stuff Clyde. Sounds like you should ALWAYS stick to your half hour rule.

  4. Yo dawg. That's whack, fo'shizzle. (That's about all the "gangsta" I know). Hilarious!!

  5. Hey Ron,,How did u get my number !!! ???